My job duties are supposed to be shifting on April 1st, from primarily case management duties to entirely group counseling facilitation. I have been excited about the switch for awhile now… but just when it seems like it’s right around the corner, the almost certain bullshit that would be thrown onto it all has started to pile up.

I have hoped for a change of scenery, meaning moving offices from one cellblock to another. And I, honestly, haven’t cared much about what block I was placed on, until I was told that the treatment counselors maybe kinda sorta would have to help with the case management duties due to being understaffed. If I were staying on the block that I am one now, I’d say “Bring it on!” because I know that I am familiar with the caseloads here and could easily step in and help out when needed. It also would mean that my office does not change and, therefore, I have some more time to get my files in order.

Unfortunately for me, it looks like I am going to be moved to a cellblock that is notoriously behind on their work where one of the managers is a bitchy micromanager. So, I will likely be doing tons of extra work and getting my ass reamed by a horrid supervisor.

My relief to be moving into something new has been steadily moving towards anger, or at very least severe annoyance. Working at a prison wears on me, and the indecisiveness of management coupled with workloads shifting day by day is, frankly, pissing me off.

More and more, I think to myself, maybe getting out of this environment would do wonders for my stress levels. Though, I have been able to forget about most of this stuff when I walk out the gates each day, but that doesn’t help during the 8 and a half hours each day that I am in the prison walls.

I know the grass is not always greener, as demonstrated by my excitement for a new position being torn down in favor of a small, but growing, sense of dread. But the grass somewhere has to be truly green, doesn’t it? It’s sad, but some days, though nothing remarkably bad happens during these days, I find my 26 year old self looking forward to retirement. As the song goes, “I am much too young to feel this damn old”…